Jealousy In Relationships
Jealousy in relationships usually leads to hunger, arguments, painful moments and can go as far as violence, break ups and divorces.
This is not new, we all know that. We know that jealousy has never, and will never solve any problem we may have in our relationships.
So why do we keep doing this?... why do we allowed jealousy to interfere in our relationships?
We have trouble to refrain from being jealous because it is an emotion, and emotions are the hardest things to control as
they are the result of who we have become, deeply ingrained in our whole being.
So overcoming jealousy in relationships can be quite difficult if all we do, is trying to stop being jealous. Jealousy is only the result, the effect.
We need to work deeper to find the source of the problem, to find what the causes of jealousy are.
Self Esteem and Jealousy
Most of the causes of jealousy can be attributed to low self esteem. Mainly because if you don't respect and love yourself,
you will find it difficult to believe that someone else can.
But the relationship between jealousy and self esteem doesn't stop here. So let's see what the characteristics of low self esteem are
and how they can lead to jealousy in relationships
Feeling unworthy, including of a relationship, is common when you suffer from low self esteem.
As a result, you will question the motivations of your partner. Jealousy and insecurity walk side by side,
and when you feel insecure, you will tend to be on the "look out" to find reasons to confirm your doubts by scrutinizing
and exaggerating any single details and faults.
People with low self esteem do not seem to see their uniqueness and always compare themselves with others to evaluate
their worthiness. The lower their self esteem, the more people they will find that are "superior" to them.
Comparison usually leads to competition. If your partner is having a good time with someone you see as smarter or more attractive,
then jealousy is only a step away.
The lack of assertiveness is another common trait of low self esteem. Assertiveness means asking for what you want straight up,
it also means simple communication instead of mumbling and whining to yourself which will soon lead to irrational jealousy.
Asking simple questions and communicate to clarify a situation is always better than letting your mind go wild with doubts and suspicions
until you burst into another jealousy related argument.
A bad body image will affect your self esteem and inevitably result in jealousy. When you do not feel good about yourself and are
not happy with your look and body, your insecurity rise further and anyone can become a threat to you.
The examples above show how low self esteem can lead to jealousy in relationships without even mentioning the partner's conduct
because jealousy, like happiness, has little to do with outward circumstances but how we deal with them.
How you see yourself, your self image will always determine how you react to circumstances and people's behaviour.
Overcoming Jealousy
Improving self esteem is the first and most important
step to take in overcoming jealousy in relationships.
Start to realize that you are worthy and deserve the relationship that you have, need or want. It is the only way to get rid of this feeling of
insecurity. Make it an affirmation if you need to. Repeat to yourself hundred times a day; "I am worthy and I deserve it".
Learn to respect and love yourself. By changing your attitude towards yourself, you will also change your environment and
the attitude of others towards you.
Remember that you are unique, there is no one else like you, you are not perfect but no one is either. Because of your uniqueness,
comparing yourself to others is like comparing apples to oranges, it is useless.
Others will love you for who you are, you don't need anyone
to love you for who you are not anyway.
Be assertive and communicate often, do not let trust issues grow in your relationship like weeds until it grows out of proportion.
Also note, communication is not the same than inquisition; an aggressive questioning will only lead to a defensive, aggressive response... useless.
Surround yourself with positive people who will enrich you, your relationships and your life. Stop letting negative people dragging you down
or influence you in any way. You choose who you go out with, eat with or sleep with. Choose those who will support you,
believe in you and respect who you are.
Look after yourself and your body. Eat well, exercise, dress well, make yourself feel like a million dollar. A healthy body image
induce self confidence, which is jealousy's worst enemy.
Jealousy in relationships is not only useless, it is destructive and have the opposite effect of what it is intended to.
Jealousy has never made anyone look smarter or more attractive, quite the opposite and it has never solved any problems because it is only the
effect of an issue.
Excessive jealousy is an emotional disorder, like fear of heights or fear of spiders. You can get rid of all the spiders in the world, you will still fear them
so you need to work on your fear, not on the spiders.
In the same way, you cannot change anyone else than yourself, it is not your right anyway, you do not own anyone. But you can change your attitude towards
yourself and others.
As you gain self confidence and realize that you are worthy of any relationship that you desire; jealousy will then loose
its grip on you.
Low self esteem
Effects of low self esteem
Improving self esteem
Healthy body image
Dealing with loneliness
Trust issues in relationships
Ending relationships
Return from jealousy in relationships to healthy relationships
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